The Spa for Visiting Pitchers

Pity the plight of poor Matt Cain. Cain is an exceptional 23-year-old staff ace with a wicked four-seamer and a knee-bending curve who confounded National Leaguers last year to the tune of a 3.46 ERA. He struck out seven a game in 200 innings and led the Giants in virtually every positive pitching category. And he went 7-16 in front of a lineup of Barry Bonds and the Seven Dwarfs

It won't be long until he'll be wishing for those good old days.

Come April, Cain and the Giants' treasure trove of other talented young starters will be hurling for a club whose offense will have fans hurling too. It is difficult to recall an offense as anemic as the Giants' without the name "Throneberry" written in the lineup.

Consider this:

Their big free agent pickup, Aaron Rowand, enjoyed his career year last year, notching 27 homers, 89 RBI and a .309 BA in Philadelphia's Citizens Bank Launching Pad. Prior to that, he was a strikeout machine with a history of brittleness, which is ill-advised when making a habit of crashing into outfield walls.

The many statistical models that predict performance say the move will cost him offensive production and peg his '08 stats around .280, 15 HR and 65 RBI. He's the team's slugger and offensive anchor.

The team's best returning hitter is Randy Winn, he of the .445 slugging percentage. Their best overall position player, catcher Benjie Molina, had an on-base percentage of .298. I think it's fair to say that Ruth and Gehrig sleep soundly.

The Giant trio of veterans at second, third and short had their shining moments during during the Pleistocene Era. Omar Vizquel, Rich Aurelia and Ray Durham consumed 1,400 at-bats last year and delivered two fewer wins than the average Triple-A replacements would have. Except the Giants haven't developed any Triple-A replacements, so either the AARP will again staff the infield in '08 or Double-A replacements will model the Peter Principle while the good people of San Francisco troll the college ranks for the number one draft pick.

A Giant prospect is as likely to make a significant contribution to the team's offense this year as New Jersey Tech is to win the NCAA tournament.

San Francisco will, in 2008, be the Spa for Visiting Pitchers. Those whose ERAs have ballooned, or who can't control their sliders, or whose fastballs have lost their bite, will head west for a Giants treatment that will fatten their strikeout total, slim down their ERAs and restore their confidence.

We may have history in the making in the Bay Area. Four starters each with 20 losses...and ERAs under 4.00