We take you to a random day in real life sports talk radio...
Caller One: Anyone who tests positive for steroids or anything, they're outta the game. Forever.
Host: Yeah, and anyone who ever did steroids -- McGwire, Sosa, Bonds, Clemens, whoever -- Cooperstown is closed to them. That's it. No Hall of Fame.
Sidekick: Their records gotta be stricken too. Back to 61 for the home run record, and Aaron with 755.
Caller Two: I hate ARod, the cheating bum. He can never be the all-time home run king, I don't care how many the guy hits. Never!
Host: You got that right. Keep the game clean.
Next, we take a stroll down an alternative universe where only thinking people can host and call sports talk radio.
Host: The subject of steroids is a giant Rumsfeldian puzzle: No one really knows what happened in the past. No one really knows what's happening in the present. No one has any idea what's going to happen in the future. It's a quagmire of a swamp of a tar pit.
Caller One: The more I know about PEDs, the more difficult it is to reach definitive conclusions. Should we bar steroid users from the Hall of Fame?
Sidekick: How about other kinds of cheaters? Wasn't Gaylord Perry's nail file a performance enhancer? How about amphetamines during the 70s?
Caller Two: Gentlemen, I feel compelled to point out that amphetamines were freely available to all the players. There was little competitive advantage to taking them.
Host: Thanks Alex from Maryland. You make a good point. But the dilemma for the players then is much the same as it is now. Should I cheat and break the law to keep up with all the other cheaters, or should I abstain from performance enhancement and suffer the consequences on the field? It's the competitive disadvange for non-users that's the real problem.
Caller Two: There's no proof that steroids affect player performance. You have to be able to hit the ball either way.
Host: I've heard that Pollyana argument and it really doesn't hold water. We saw home run numbers spike when players began juicing and trough when baseball began testing. We saw players like Clemens and Bonds play at the very highest level well into their 40's as no one had ever done before. We saw 180-pound players disappear for a winter and return at 215 pounds. If there were really no advantage to taking steroids and their derivatives, players wouldn't be risking ill health, ignominy, and a regimen of painful injections for them.
Caller Three: I'm really conflicted. What do we do with records that seem so tainted and players whose extraordinary performance seems to be at least partly the result of taking illegal drugs?
Sidekick: Jason from Conecticut, if you're conflicted, it shows you're paying attention. It's a dilemma. But one of the beauties of baseball is that its records are self-correcting. That's why the asterisk next to Maris's home run record was unnecessary: fans knew that Ruth had achieved his feat in 154 games. They'll know that Bonds' lifetime home run record was juice-aided and continue to consider Aaron the king. We still think of Babe Ruth as the greatest home run hitter, even though he no longer holds a single home run record.
Host: And as for their place in Cooperstown, I think the same logic holds. Put the steroids controversy on the plaque, or even on the wall above players whose careers spanned the 1994-2005 period. Fans will know. But don't leave maybe the greatest left-fielder and one of the five best pitchers of all time out of the Hall.
Caller Four: I hate A-Fraud. Without steroids he sucks. He isn't half the player Jeter is and he chokes in...CLICK.
Host: Clayton from Spartanburg, I think you dialed the wrong number. You want 1-800-99OnFox. As for Alex Rodriguez, remember that he tested positive in a supposedly anonymous test in which 103 other players rang it up as well. It's unfair that ARod was outed. And don't be so sure about anyone else because their name could be on that list too.
Sidekick: Also remember that baseball now has the most rigorous testing program in major team sports. Players today, including ARod, have peed into more cups than urinals. So we need to give the game and its players the benefit of the doubt today. Not before the testing, then everyone is under suspicion, but since the testing began.
Caller Five: Guys, I really appreciate your putting this discussion in perspective, but can we move on? All that's in the past. We've got a great season going on right now. Albert Pujols has had the best career start of any player in history. Jamie Moyer and Josh Hamilton are amazing stories. The AL East might be the toughest division ever. The two Central divisions could go down to the wire and produce some surprising results. We could see some blockbuster trades with the deadline looming. And best of all, the level of play is better than it's ever been, and more of it is available to fans nationwide than ever before.
Host: Who is this, Mark McGwire?
Sidekick: I don't want to talk about the past...
Host: But he's got a point. After the break, if I told you the Mets would trade for Jose Reyes, Carlos Beltran and Carlos Delgado in the second half of the season, would that make them contenders? Coming up...
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