Commish For A Day

Happy 75th birthday to Bud Selig, neither the best nor the worst commissioner in MLB history. People like to pile poo on ol' Bud, but when you consider that he's the owners' minion, he's done a credible job of innovating, keeping up with technology, going global and keeping labor peace -- after a painful apprenticeship. Blaming Selig for steroids is like blaming George W. Bush for September 11, except in reverse. No one saw 9/11 coming; we all knew in their hearts that players were taking steroids.

Suppose you were commissioner for a day and had absolute power. What one thing would you do? Here's my top priority.

I would remind Major League Baseball that, first and foremost, it's in the entertainment business. And sometimes, it's lousy entertainment. No nine-inning game with fewer than 20 runs scored should take more than two-and-a-half hours. The first two hours of a game are fun. The last inning or two can be exciting if the score is close. Beyond that is simply keeping us up late.

So I would pour all my energy into juicing the game's entertainment value. I'd eliminate the parts of games that have high time-consumption-to-entertainment ratios. First culprit: the pitching change. A pitcher who hasn't started an inning may not be removed unless he gives up a run. Sure, it might dis-employ those left-handed specialists, but get us to the good stuff more quickly, particularly in the late innings when the tension, not the boredom, should be mounting.

And if that doesn't have sufficient impact, I'd crack down further by limiting mound visits or even more strictly limiting pitching changes. Because no one goes to a baseball game to watch the manager hold a committee meeting with his hurler, third baseman and catcher. Most of us get more than our share of committee meetings when we're not at the ballpark.

Second, there is no such thing as time out once a player comes to bat. Step in the batter's box and stay there. No practice swings (didn't you get enough of those in the minors?), no batting glove refittings (you make a mint: buy gloves that fit) and no mind games. The fans have trains to catch.

Third, just wave the guy to first on an intentional walk. I've heard the argument that throwing the pitch can lead to infinite possibilities, but in exchange for the excitement of the quadrennial wild pitch, we'll have the excitement of the actual game.

Fourth, limit pitcher pickoff attempts. Stolen bases are exciting; soft tosses to first basemen are not. Crisply played games are exciting. Staying up until 11:45 on a Tuesday is not.

That's my one day as commissioner. What's yours?
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