Man, this is like stomping on dead mosquitoes -- doesn't take any skill but sure is satisfying.
Here's the A.P. write-up in my newspaper on the Tigers' 5-4 win over Oakland.
Miguel Cabrera hit a go-ahead sacrifice fly in the fifth inning to back Rick Porcello's eighth victory and the Detroit Tigers beat the Oakland A's for a split of their four-game series.
Ahem.
Let's list the individuals elements of stupid involved in this description.
1. Cabrera flied out and got top billing.
2. Ian Kinsler doubled and got to third without Cabrera's help, but was not mentioned.
3. The fifth inning?!
4. Cabrera's momentous out -- did I mention it was in the fifth inning? -- made the score 3-2. Had the Tigers failed to score two more runs they would have lost.
5. Porcello pitched 5 2/3 and allowed 11 baserunners, including six walks. In other words, he stunk.
6. Three middle relievers saved the game by shutting out Oakland over 2 1/3 frames, including bailing Porcello out of a jam in the sixth.
7. Wins shmins: Porcello has pitched roughly average this year.
What a senscient editor would have re-written:
Ian Kinsler wrapped a pair of doubles and scored twice to lead the Detroit Tigers over the Oakland A's for a split of their four-game series. Relievers Gary Kroll, Al Albuquerque and Joba Chamberlain offset a wild performance by starter Rick Porcello to nail down the win.
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