Tripleheader of Yuks

Did you hear the one about the unwritten rule? Man, I love that joke!

The Tigers and Angels staged an impromptu amateur night at Comerica this weekend. Apparently, a Cy Young match-up of Jered Weaver and Justin Verlander and the playoff possibilities underlying the contest were insufficient to stir the passions of the opposing teams. So after Magglio Ordonez paused at the plate to see if his tater would stay fair, Weaver launched into the old "disrespect" chestnut.

"I had a lot of respect for those guys, but then they stand at the plate and do something like that. I felt disrespected by that."

Ho! That one never fails to crack me up. Weaver could have really gone for the big yuks by stamping his feet and whining, "quit making fun of me!"

Verlander could never had come up with that whopper. After all, he didn't allow any homers. Poor schmuck!

Well, the only thing funnier than a great comedy classic is the comic rejoinder. Here's that master of timing, Carlos Guillen: "Magglio has 14 years in the major leagues. You don't tell him to run."

Whoo-hoo! It's the old 14-year rule! If preening at the plate makes you a jerk, putting in 14 years of Major League service exempts you! Think of all the great things Tim Wakefield can do!

Following Ordonez, Guillen homered, showboating on his way around the bases. Let's let the Associated Press pick up the thread from there (with some edits for space): "Guillen flipped his bat, posed at the plate and skipped a few steps sideways, prompting Weaver to yell at him before Guillen rounded the bases. Sensing trouble was coming, plate umpire Hunter Wendelstedt warned both benches. But Weaver threw the next pitch near (Alex) Avila's head and was quickly ejected along with Los Angeles manager Mike Scioscia."

Isn't that great? Weaver showed those stupid Tigers what respect is all about -- by throwing a baseball 90 mph at the head of a guy who hadn't bothered anyone. Why hasn't Chris Rock thought of this whopper?!

Not to be outdone, Justin Verlander staged this oldie-but-goodie when Erick Aybar attempted to bunt for a hit leading off the eighth. The big cat fireballer had a no-hitter at the time. "I know it was only 3-0, so I can understand there are arguments on both sides, but as a pitcher, we call that bush league."

I know! I hate it when the other team tries to get a hit! Imagine if they did that all the time.


Isn't it time we eliminated this sort of disrespect and subterfuge from baseball? No more high-fiving after a dinger. No more fist-pumping after a good play. No more cheering. No more expressions of excitement of any kind, That's disrespectful.


And no more of that bush league stuff. No more stolen bases, pickoff attempts, throwing behind the runner or other fakery. In fact, no more twisty pitches. Everything has to be straight, so batters know what's coming.


No only will that improve the game, it will add a jolt of excitement into the game. Thank you Jered Weaver, Carlos Guillen and Justin Verlander for showing us what a great game baseball truly could be. I hope you all have 14-year careers.
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