New Rules For Today's Sports

New Rule: A woman you have never met, by definition, is not your girlfriend.

Evidently this rule was not already in force in Indiana or Hawai'i.

New Rule: Lying, cheating, harassing, slandering and litigating for 15 years is not ameliorated in the slightest by an admission after conviction.

This rule remains in force but evidently at least one person and his well-paid advisers believe it can be circumvented.

New Rule: Writing a silly book hectoring your former employer is not the best revenge. Living well, by bringing a pennant to Cleveland, is.

Evidently you can get a job as a leader of men without knowing this rule.

New Rule: A top-ranked college basketball team that defeats the #2, #3, #4 and #5 teams and then drops a league road contest to #16 is still the #1 team in the land.
              Part B of New Rule: Even if it is Duke.

This rule does not seem to have widespread support.

New Rule: Anyone demonstrating sufficiently dim wits to assert that winning four of four Super Bowls is superior to winning four of six should be banned from the radio airwaves until they can credibly explain how leading a team to six championship games is a lesser accomplishment than leading a team to four.

The people who would have to enforce this rule are equally dimwitted.

New Rule: The rule requiring the L.A. Lakers to make the NBA playoffs is hereby repealed.

This rule is supported in 49 of 50 states but is unlikely to be enforced. Again.

New Rule: The NHL will have a labor dispute that eliminates all games before January every year.

This rule is evidently already in force.