Time for the Mercy Rule?

So has Rudy Giuliani thrown himself off a bridge yet? Anybody check old man Steinbrenner's pulse recently? Because in case you haven't heard, the Yankees are now doomed like the Gosselin kids. People who picked Yankees in five, as I did, are now switching to Phillies in three.

New York fell in Game One. In the Bronx. So all is lost. Just as it was against the Braves in '96, when they were the underdogs and they came up on the short end in the first two games at home.

Okay, maybe last night was a solitary game, but the trend lines don't look good. After all, over their last three contests, the Yankees are playing .333 ball -- worst in the Majors. ARod's made four consecutive outs. If he keeps that up, he'll go 0-28 in a seven-game series.

And tonight it's AJ Burnett against Pedro Martinez. Had NY won Game One, the analysis of Game Two would look like this: Pedro is old. He's not the same pitcher he was when Britney Spears was a virgin. Burnett has electric stuff. Then Pettitte and Sabathia and lights out.

In the shadow of one defeat, here's the conventional wisdom: Pedro has found new life. Burnett is inconsistent. He's never been a big game pitcher. Philadelphia has wrested away home field advantage.

Even people with severe bi-polar disorder don't skip from euphoria to depression every day. It's got to make you dizzy.

Far be it for me to break up a good dose of mental illness, but might I mention that the Phillies won because a single pitcher threw a great game, and he'll be starting only once more in the Series?

Haha, silly logical guy! That doesn't fill up a three-hour radio show! You don't need a Baseball Analyst to tell you that it's just one game. Baseball Analysts make their money revealing things that have no basis in fact, and so can't be disproved. Things like, ARod is tightening up. (Apparently Kate Hudson's spell has worn off.) Things like, you'd rather have Ryan Howard (batting average this year vs. lefties: .204) than Mark Teixeira at first base in the playoffs because Tex lacks post-season experience. (This nugget came from Rob Dibble, a veritable font of non-sequiturs.)

I can't wait until tomorrow's analysis if the Yankees win Game Two.
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