Now Pitching, Nohit Estrada

I noticed that the Tigers got a couple of big hits from Clete Thomas last night. I highly approve of baseball players named Clete. I think there should be more of them.

I remember the career of the only other Major League Clete -- Clete Boyer, the slick-fielding, weak-hitting third sacker whose brother Ken played for the Cards. How weak hitting? In 1964, while playing all season for the World Champion Yankees, he batted .218 with eight homers and 10 doubles and struck out 98 times. Man, he should have changed his name to Glove.

Which makes me wonder where all the Spikes are. There was Mariners/Expos shortstop Spike Owen, who slammed 46 home runs in a 13-year career, and a handful of yesteryear Spikes, but no stars. Shouldn't there be some scrappy, hard-nosed second baseman named Spike? That really should have been Ty Cobb's name.

In the 60s and 70s, all the professional athletes named Homer were football players. That doesn't make any sense. Homer should be a Rob Deer type, a guy who either strikes out, walks or hits the ball a country mile. Homer is a guy whose fielding ability is tailor-made for DH because when in he's stuck out in left field, at least one of his feet is trying to play right field. In addition, Homer runs the bases like a 1984 Vega with two misfiring spark plugs.

Alas, the only Homers in my lifetime have been second baseman Homer Bush, who didn't, and Homer Bailey, a pitcher, of all things. True to form, Bailey surrendered nearly two bombs per nine innings last season, which contributed to his 0-6, 7.93 performance for the Reds. Really, who's advising this guy? Play the field, HOMER!

Now Biff Pocoroba, his mother knew what she was doing. A guy named Biff ought to be blocking home plate without the ball while the tying run bears down from second on a single. I don't know how many home plate collisions Biff participated in during his 10-year Braves career, but I'll bet every one of them turned him into a walking onomatopoeia.

I'd like to see a team of Rosin Johnson on the mound with Squat McGillicudy behind the plate. Stretch Larson would play first with Flip Foiders, Relay Benson and Cap Landsteen around the horn. We'd have an outfield of Lefty Newhouse, Shallow Jones and Canon Templeton around in right. Woody Ashton would be our DH and Penn Teller would be our closer. The manager would be Trixie Hobberhide. Now that's a team that could win...something.

All of which makes me wonder why Mitt Romney didn't catch on. Heh heh.

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