Traded to Madrid for Francisco Franco

I'd give my official South Atlantic League baseball, caught off the bat of a Savannah Sand Gnat at a Charleston (SC) RiverDogs game in 2003, to be a fly on Theo Epstein's wall following the announcement of Manny Ramirez's most recent pregnancy problems and subsequent decision to seek diplomatic immunity in Spain.

The new sitcom, Manny Being Retired, had to make the wunderkind GM shake his head in every conceivable direction. In the time since Epstein dealt the petulant hitting savant to the Dodgers in 2008, Ramirez has managed in turn: spectacular, inordinately costly, frustrating, very good, dismal,  relatively inexpensive and utterly useless -- all within two-and-a-half seasons. If that isn't Ramirez's formerly Hall of Fame career in a nutshell -- and where else would you put his career? -- Snooki is a Rhodes scholar.

Let's review: Finally exasperated with Ramirez's prescient Charlie Sheen imitation, Epstein jettisoned the under-performing bat and glove in mid-2008 along with a minor leaguer in a three-team deal that netted a year-and-a-half of Jason Bay. L.A. received half a season of Ramirez for a trio of prospects and he immediately began tearing the cover off the ball. In 53 games he scorched the NL for a 1.232 OPS, dragging the Dodgers into the playoffs and the League Championship Series.

Based on those otherworldly 187 at bats, the Dodgers signed their new hero to a gargantuan two-year contract. Anyone outside of (Dodger GM) Ned Colleti's immediate family who didn't see that marriage unraveling like (Dodger owner) Frank McCourt's probably thinks invading Iraq was a good idea.

Ramirez rewarded the Dodgers a month into the season by ringing up a 50-game suspension for steroid use. Although he hit a magnificent .290/.418/.531 in 104 games, he contributed nothing in the 58 games he missed, and contributed less than nothing with defense that could charitably be described as execrable.

Midway through year two of the contract and DL visit three for Ramirez, the Dodgers dumped his sideshow on the White Sox, getting absolutely nothing in return, and winning the trade comfortably. Ramirez improved his fielding in Chicago (he DH'd) but otherwise pooped the bed, accumulating two extra base hits over the last quarter of the season. He did get a haircut though, which inspired comparisons to Samson, though the only thing biblical about Ramirez were the plagues he wrought upon his teams.

It's tempting to think that because he used up a roster spot in Tampa Bay for only five games Ramirez had no impact on the Rays. But there is an opportunity cost to passing on other arrangements for DH based on the belief the position had been filled. Their next best option or three may now no longer be available to the Rays.

Which brings us back to Theo Epstein. When Ramirez was printing playoff tickets singlehandedly in Chavez Ravine during the 2008 season, there had to be some frustration in Boston. The soap opera since has served to remind Theo why he took Two-and-a-Half Excedrin off the air in New England. Moreover, when he considers the inexpensive season-and-a-half of Jason Bay that he leveraged  (.915 OPS, good defense and 16 of 19 steals) before wisely leaving Bay to the open market ($66-$80 million over five years), he's got to be doing the cha-cha behind his office door. And that will be helpful now that he's Dancing With the Stars Carl Crawford and Adrian Gonzalez, acquisitions he might not have been able to make had he continued to sink millions in Ramirez and the psychiatric office visits that would have necessitated.

Knowing when to fold is one of Theo's talents. It appears it's one of Ramirez's as well.
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554 Homers; No Integrity

It appears clear that even if Roger Clemens is acquitted of lying to Congress about steroid use, he will face a Sisyphean struggle to make the Hall of Fame. Perhaps one of the 10 greatest pitchers of all time, Clemens' conduct is considered so detrimental to baseball that he should be barred from immortality.

I think Clemens is a jerk -- I've always thought that -- a liar, a philanderer and a cheater. But he was still one of the best pitchers ever.

Now contrast him, and the others whose entry to the Hall appear blocked -- Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, Barry Bonds, Rafael Palmeiro -- and compare them to a man whose Hall pass is already stamped: Manny Ramirez.

Ramirez makes Roger Clemens look like Prince Charles. He is a juvenile, narcisistic twit. Is there a sin in baseball worse than literally quitting on your team? On two different teams? Can a player be called "great" when, in the prime of his career, two different teams were willing to give him away? For all his considerable boorishness, Barry Bonds was never more trouble to the Giants than he was worth. 

Let's review the record.  In 2003, Ramirez was benched for a game after he was found faking illness that had put him on the shelf for a week. After the 2005 season, he demanded a trade and threatened to boycott spring training if his demand wasn't met. The Red Sox, only too happy to oblige, couldn't find a taker for his massive contract. 

In 2008, Ramirez came to blows with Red Sox personnel twice -- once with teammate Kevin Youklis and another with traveling secretary Jack McCormick, whom Ramirez shoved to the ground. Later, he sat out a crucial series with the Yankees, claiming a sore knee, though MRI exams he was forced to get showed no damage. In the subsequent series, he failed to run out grounders or hustle after flies in the field. At one point, he went to the plate and refused to swing the bat, striking out on three pitches. In my line of work, and yours too, that's grounds for instant dismissal. 

But wait, there's more. Last year, immediately after signing a $45 million, two-year contract, Ramirez turned the key on a brand new 50-game suspension for using a steroid companion drug. Following that, the NY Times reported that he was one of the 104 players who tested positive for steroid use. Many writers vow they will not elect Alex Rodriguez to the Hall for that reason, but Ramirez, who continues to lie about his involvement, suffers no such stain.

This year, apparently bored with the Dodgers' struggles, Ramirez has found a home on the disabled list. Upon his return, with rumors swirling of a trade, he got himself ejected after taking one pitch, the baseball equivalent of suicide by cop.

Manny Ramirez, at .313/.411/.589, with 554 home runs and 12 seasons of .950+ OPS is unquestionably a giant among hitters. But his brain, his heart, his integrity and his pride could fit in a sesame seed with enough room left over for two gnats to polka. The idea of Ramirez making a victory speech in Cooperstown, while Mark McGwire is banned, disgusts me.

Didn't we long ago agree that idiots, drunks, creeps and thieves could still earn enshrinement with their play, as long as they didn't throw games? It seems to me that Manny Ramirez's loafing, sandbagging and mid-game quitting is a lot closer to throwing a game than anything Barry Bonds ever did.

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...And We All Love Andy Pettite

David Ortiz got a standing ovation last night following a report that he flunked the secret 2003 steroid test. They love them some Big Papi in Beantown, but they hate Manny Ramirez, that traitor who forced a trade to the Dodgers.

Ramirez was caught using steroids this year, but was cheered upon his return from suspension by the fans in L.A. who appreciate how he carried the team to the playoffs last year and the best record in baseball this year. However, they despise that cheating bastard Barry Bonds.

Bonds, of course, led the Giants to relevance and a World Series, and set the home run record in San Francisco, where fans defend him to this day. They won't acknowledge Alex Rodriguez if he manages to beat 762 because he's a lying, adulterous, fraud.

Fans in the Bronx don't much cotton to ARod either, but mainly because he hits into double plays in key situations and has the audacity to be a better player than Derek Jeter. Still, when ARod goes yard to win a game in July, the fans are ready to forgive him...at least for the moment. Don't expect New Yorkers to support Mark McGwire's Hall of Fame candidacy, though. Mr. Andro. Mr. I'm not here to talk about the past.

McGwire has to return to St. Louis if he wants some baseball love. The remember him warmly for making the 1998 so memorable and for embracing the Gateway.

At least everyone can agree that they detest Roger Clemens. It's that kind of consistency of logic that makes the steroid discussion so productive.
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Baloney Being Baloney

As a former reporter, the part of the Manny Ramirez saga that bothers me most is probably different from the one that bothers you.

I long ago stopped worrying about steroids in baseball. Gaylord Perry cheated his whole career, but I don't recall any0ne ever bemoaning his diminished ethical standard, his abdication of role model responsibility or his unholy tinkering with the record books.

Moreover, we now have a critical mass of Hall of Fame candidates with steroids links: Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, Alex Rodriguez, Rafael Palmeiro, Roger Clemens, Ivan Rodriguez and now Manny Ramirez. Are we really going to keep them all out? This list includes three of the greatest players of all time.

Contrary to what we've been hearing, Ramirez's suspension is not a black eye for baseball; just the opposite. It shows that baseball drug testing works. In fact, Ramirez didn't test positive for steroids; he got caught trying to hide steroid use. That demonstrates a certain amount of nuance and sophistication in the baseball drug testing.

What bothers me is the disingenuousness and the incredibility of his response. Of course, Manny himself did not respond or in any way face the public for his suspension. His statement was written by his handlers and dispersed to the media without his involvement. Ramirez himself is off to his mansion -- or one of them -- without ever having to answer questions about steroid use. Say what you like about Alex Rodriguez; he at least stood up to the grilling that followed revelations of his steroid use. (The disingenuousness of his answers is also a matter for discussion, but for another time.)

Then there is the utter fatuousness of Manny's claims. It's hard to imagine that Scott Boras and his braintrust of publicists, lawyers and other truth-twisters believed that the statement they released would slow the rush of recrimination. The statement claims that Ramirez was prescribed HCG for an unnamed medical problem. Please.

I'm no chemist, but from what I gather, there is no medical condition for which a world class male athlete would be prescribed HCG. And I'm no psychologist, but I play a human on TV, and were I facing the opprobrium due Manny Ramirez for allegedly committing the cardinal sin of my profession, I would be as specific -- not as vague -- as possible if I had a legitimate defense.

There is something else about his explanation that rankles. It's the newest fauz apology strategy: not taking responsibility by claiming to accept it. The statement asserts that Ramirez must ultimately accept responsibility for his "mistaken" use of this masking agent following a a description of how it was his physician's fault. This is the latest twist on the non-apology apology, in which someone not the least bit contrite regrets that people were hurt. Says mistakes were made. Apologizes to family and friends, but not to the victim. Etc.

I don't really care if Manny Ramirez is using a drug that makes him a better baseball player. I don't really care that Manny Ramirez is full of shit. I am insulted that Manny Ramirez and his entourage cynically expect that I'm stupid enough to believe the steaming pile they have served up for my consumption.

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Dodging A Headache

A sufficient number of baseball observers have scratched their heads publicly over Manny Ramirez's rejection of the Dodgers' two-year, $45 million offer, that I'll refrain from piling on.

Scott Boras has always been able to find a bigger sucker when it seemed his client had already pushed the market far beyond his value, so far be it for me to criticize him and his client for demuring at an offer that overstates his value, in my view.

Manny, now another year older, is not going to hit this year or next anywhere near as well as he did for half a season in L.A. It's just a fact of human physiology that he's more likely to get hurt, experience a decline in his skills and become a serious albatross on defense.

What really intrigues me is why the Dodgers even continue to discuss it with him. It's clear that no other club wants to adopt this particular can of worm larvae. Manny would make most sense on an AL club with dreams of contention and a DH need -- the Angels jump to mind -- and none of them has been reported ringing Boras' cell.

Manny's lack of enthusiasm for Spring Training is well-known. He may very well be stalling as much for a few extra vacation weeks as for a bigger contract. But Boras had better be careful lest some new competition enter the baseball labor market.

With Barry Bonds' trial now delayed past the end of the '09 season, any team willing to take on a migraine who can rake now has another option. Bonds probably can't play 150 games, as Manny can, and his personality issues affect clubhouse relationships, while Manny's only sho9rt-circuit management sleep patterns. But a team balking at paying $50 million over two years for Manny might be willing to drop $2 million for one year of Bonds.

I'm not proposing that the Dodgers head that way. Adding Manny, even at 90% of his average performance, would make them the favorite in the weak NL West. But I think they'd be crazy to add one thin dime to their offer.

The First Robin League

The Hot Stove League is threatening to drag into the First Robin League as major free agents remain on the market. The economic decline has obviously played a role there, but there must be something else at work.

Three of the most notable free agents still available are Adam Dunn, Bobby Abreu and Manny Ramirez. I picked these three particularly because they're all outfielders and, in the case of Manny and Dunn, possess all the grace on land of a penguin. Here are their performance from last year:

Player G R 2B HR RBI SB CS BB SO BA OBP SLG OPS+ HBP GIDP
Ramirez 153 102 36 37 121 3 0 87 124 .332 .430 .601 164 11 17
Dunn----158 79 23 40 100 2 1 122 164 .236 .386 .513 129 7 7
Abreu---156 100 39 20 100 22 11 73 109 .276 .371 .471 120 1 14

(OPS+ is a measure of on base percentage plus slugging average compared to league average. An OPS of 129 is 29% better than league average, which is excellent. An OPS of 164 is MVP territory.)

Manny and agent Scott Boras seem to have painted themselves into a corner, demanding five years and bailout-sized dollars. Ramirez is still a one-man offensive wrecking crew, to be sure, but he's offensive in other ways and young children should avert their eyes when he's afield. The idea of team chemistry is vastly over-rated, but front offices know that bringing him on requires buying Tylenol in bulk. And of course, he's 37 and would be 42 by the end of a five-year deal. Signing him to anything more than two years is sheer folly, and it helps to have a centerfielder who can yell loud enough to wake the leftfielder when the ball is struck his way.

The case of Adam Dunn is an enigma. Ripped by Blue Jays GM JP Ricciardi last season, he is viewed as lackadaisical and inert in the field and has generated little interest around the majors. This is a 28-year-old who has recorded 40 or more home runs and .365 OBP or higher each of the last five seasons. Six-and-a-half foot boppers like Dunn don't tend to age well, but he should continue to provide terror at the plate for the next three years, at least. Bat him after Jose Reyes and David Wright and ahead of Carlos Beltran (or the other way around) and enjoy the basepath merry-go-round.

Apparently some AL clubs would like to sign him to DH but he has rejected moving off left field. That certainly limits his appeal, but there are still plenty of teams that can swallow is defense for 40 HRs and a .386 OBP. For an interesting and spot-on Dunn reckoning, link below to MLB.com.

http://mlb.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20090120&content_id=3750928&vkey=news_ml

Bobby Abreu is neither defensive liability nor slugger, but he's still an impressive offensive asset. Because he seemed to fall off the table following the '05 Home Run Derby, it's easy to assume he's older than 34. This is a guy who batted safely more than 39% of the time for nine straight years until 2006. Whether his decline is age-related, Yankee-related or Bronx-related we'll soon find out if someone else signs him. Unlike Dunn and Manny, Abreu has a howitzer of an arm and thus has some defensive value as a right fielder. A lot of teams can use this guy.

Of course, the other side of the equation may be the sticking point. Dunn made $13 million, Abreu $16 million and Ramirez $19 million last year and they may all be looking for raises to compensate for the 35% decline in their stock portfolios. The market -- yes, even the baseball labor market -- does seem to have contracted this year, as evidenced by Andy Pettite and Jason Varitek's flashy new pay cuts. Dunn, Abreu and Ramirez may need time to accept that before they sign less lucrative deals. Donations in their behalf can be sent in care of my home address.