Alex Rodriguez's Baseball Eulogy

And so, one of the most spectacular, infamous, intriguing, exasperating baseball careers comes to a close exactly the opposite of how you would expect. It fizzles to an ending without a conclusion.

Unless he perks up for his last game, Alex Rodriguez's last RBI will come on an 0-4 day in which he grounded out weakly with the bases loaded. Contrast that with Derek Jeter's last at bat. Contrasting with Derek Jeter will always be ARod's fate, which is why he will always be remembered as both a phenomenon and tragedy.

Today, Alex Rodriguez will play his last game, a shadow of a shell of anything he ever was on the diamond. A sub-Mendoza DH over the last calendar year, ARod may have been removed from the field by the Yankees, but it's hardly as if they had a choice. He has nothing to offer them but the lost opportunity of exposing a prospect to MLB pitching.

There is talk of ARod playing elsewhere to bolster attendance, but this seems like nonsense. The hometown Marlins? An NL team in a playoff race? Fans are not going to pay for the possibility that ARod might pinch hit. 

Sure, Rodriguez could carry on to reach 700 home runs, something only three others have ever done. But it is clear the tank is empty. It could take more than the 48 games remaining for him to reach the mark, during which time he would be dragging down all his other accomplishments.

So while his career droops to an anti-climax, let's just remind ourselves what an all-time great, inner-circle Hall of Famer Alex Rodriguez was:

• He won the batting title, hitting .358/.414/.631 at age 20.
• He hit 33 homers the year he turned 40.
• He led his league in HR five times, in runs scored five times and in slugging four times.
• He topped 1.000 OPS six times.
• He slugged 150 HR for three different teams, which no one else has done.
• He slugged 250 HR from two different positions, which no one else has done.
• He slammed 696 HR and stole 329 bases. Only Barry Bonds has more of both.
• His 435 home runs was the most in the 2000s.
• He hit 35+ home runs for 11 straight seasons.
• He topped 8 WAR -- the benchmark for an MVP season -- in 8 different seasons.
• He dragged the Yankees to the playoffs almost singlehandedly in 2007, hitting .314-54-156 and leading the league with a 1.096 OPS -- one of his three MVP seasons.
• He batted .365/.456/.801 in the 2009 playoffs, leading the Yankees to their last World Series title.
• He played shortstop! Shortstop! When you think of all the other modern all-time great offensive players -- Babe Ruth, Ted Williams, Willie Mays, Barry Bonds, Stan Musial, Mickey Mantle, Ken Griffey Jr. -- they all played the outfield, not the most important defensive position behind the pitcher.

Alex Rodriguez will evidently begin employing his prodigious coaching and speaking talents going forward, and it's a good bet he will perform admirably and become an ambassador for the game he once sued. Let's hope he finds some peace in his life now that he's no longer chasing expectations on the field. If he does, he might soften some hearts hardened against him and repair some of his legacy. Because after all is said and done, he was one of the greatest who ever donned a uniform.

What To Do About A-Rod

Alex Rodriguez is over. Over like the Macarena, like Debby Boone, like Carrot Top (pictured right-- look away!)

ARod spent his 41st birthday on the bench -- for the fifth straight game -- and for good reason. He's as creaky as loose stairs. Two hip operations later, he can't play the field. He swings like a rusty gate and now he's dancing with Mario Mendoza's legacy at .206/.256/.364. His 227 plate appearances have cost the Yankees a win.

A-Rod could just retire but for the $42 million he's owed for this year and next. The Yankees could just jettison him but, well, you get the idea.

So there he is, taking up roster space on a team that's skidding sideways.

A great piece on Baseball Prospectus documents what good company ARod is keeping with players who posted abysmal OPS+ in their final or age 40 seasons. BP's research shows that no one who plays this poorly this late in his career bounces back.

Besides, what would Rodriguez bounce back to? After a torrid start to 2015, he hit .191/.300/.377 in the final two months.

The Yankees seem caught between ARod and a hard place with their former slugger. But I have a solution for them.

My ARod Plan
First, once the Yankees have acknowledged that they aren't winning a playoff spot this year, they should play ARod every day. Give him a chance to either produce or convince everyone the tank is empty. It also allows him to record his 700th home run, from which he stands four shy.

Then, after the last dregs are drug up, let Alex Rodriguez realize on his own that he needs to leave. Give him the space to approach the Yankees for a buyout -- what basically amounts to ransom. "Pay me a big pile of money and I won't clog up your roster."

If he fails that test, Brian Cashman can turn the tables and offer the buyout. The team would have some leverage too. They could offer a nice retirement package with a ceremony and a happy ending. Or, they could cut his sorry butt and let his checkered career end ingloriously. His choice.

But what if he foils the plan by beating the odds and playing well? Great! Same plan, but this time, offer him the opportunity to retire on top, like David Ortiz. Let him plausibly say it was his decision, to show one last time he could still bring it at 41, and then leave the game.

It's not a perfect solution, but such things have never existed with Alex Rodriguez. Despite the other-worldly talent, good looks, fame and fortune, there's never been an easy way with him, at least not since his Mariner days of the last century. So you take what you can get, which is a few million in savings and a roster spot for someone who can actually contribute.

Where's This Year's Ellie Rodriguez?

The voters are taking all the fun out of the All-Star vote.

Seriously, the Royals obsession not withstanding, the fans have sapped the game of debate fodder. They've generally chosen the most worthy player, and when they haven't, the players and managers have bailed them out.

If you love to ridicule the gimpy veteran, the scuffling fan-favorite, the injured hometown hero, the lagging lone representative, you're out of luck this year. There's no .230 hitter making the Midsummer Classic because of his name. There's no first-half wonder whose star will have faded by Labor Day. Sadly, the best players will gather in Great American Ballpark.

There's no Ellie Rodriguez, a journeyman catcher who made the '69 All-Star squad despite a .236 average and two home runs that season. He produced less than a win against replacement.

I could quibble about this year's selections: Alcides Escobar is not the AL's best shortstop this year or for his career. Jose Iglesias is a superior fielder and is trumping him with the bat this season. And he's on the team.

Jason Kipnis and his 150 OPS+ is the best keystoner in the AL this year by the length of Jose Altuve.  But Altuve is an All-Star dynamo and the fact that he starts and Kipnis finishes is small potatoes. 

The over-abundance of relievers is a product of the game's new faux-significance. Managers choose guys who can light it up for an inning because that's what pitchers are called upon to do in the All Star game.

Cole Hamels (113 innings of excellence) should represent Philly rather than Jonathan Papelbon (33 innings of excellence). Welcome to All-Star hair splitting.

The biggest talk has surrounded Alex Rodriguez, but it's been pretty half-hearted. That's the best controversy we can muster. ARod has been a pleasant surprise but he's this year's third best DH who contributed nothing in the second half of last season. There's really no room for him in a game that won't feature a designated hitter.

So we'll have to content ourselves with all the nascent talent, all the first time All Stars, the future of the game. It's exciting and bodes well for baseball. Of course the youngest one of them all will make his third All Star appearance. That's still Bryce Harper.
 

The Unicorn of Baseball Facts

You're reading today that Alex Rodriguez has become the second player in baseball history to 2,000 RBIs, after Hank Aaron.

Yay him.

Except, this is abject nonsense and everyone disseminating this "fact" knows it.

The lords of baseball established the RBI as an official stat in 1920. Prior to that, it was not tracked. But it's not like it didn't exist. Uranus existed before 1781 even though humans didn't know it.

From 1920 onward, Babe Ruth drove 1,993 runners home, including himself nearly 700 times. But he began driving in runs before that.

In 1919, his first as an everyday player, he smashed a record 29 home runs. So without any calculating, we know that Ruth passed the 2,000 RBI mark (1,993 + 29). He also popped 11 out the year before as a pitcher/outfielder.

It strains credulity to think that Ruth didn't knock in many more than 29 runs that year. He batted .322 with 34 doubles, 12 triples, 64 singles and 101 walks for the BoSox.

Reviewing the boxscores of every game in which the Sultan swatted prior to 1920, Baseball Reference estimates he drove home another 221 beyond those officially tallied, for 2,214 in total.

Now maybe the intern at Baseball Reference was smoking dope the week he did the calculations. Let's say he was seeing double and vastly over-estimated the Bambino's RBI total. What's the difference? He's well over 2,000 by any standard.

We can say there is uncertainty about Ruth's lifetime RBI count. He's around 2,214, give or take a handful. But he unquestionably accounted for 2,000+ runs. We know that beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Then why does the world of baseball journalism assert and repeat a piece of information that it knows, not withstanding any other uncertainty, is wrong. False. A lie. Mis-information. Stupidity.

You know my theory: because baseball "journalism" and stupidity go together like peanut butter and jelly. Or really like unicorns and horns. Because like baseball journalism, a unicorn is a figment of our imagination.

Why I Despise Ryan Braun More Than I Despise Alex Rodriguez

As if any more data points were necessary, Alex Rodriguez demonstrated this week that he belongs to a growing club of people -- Lance Armstrong, Bill Clinton, Ryan Braun, Ted Bundy among others -- for whom lying is a strategy and for whom the truth is an option only when all others have been exhausted.

ARod released a written statement this week vaguely apologizing for "mistakes" without ever identifying his transgressions amid the hope that the baseball public would simply forget about it and let him play ball. This is a ploy clearly devised by new handlers who recognize that there is plenty of precedent for avoiding the issue until the public just gives up and talks about something else.

This strategy worked magnificently for Braun, but for reasons unavailable to ARod. Braun still has ability that endears him to the Milwaukee faithful. Although Braun is the same conniving scumbag that Rodriguez is, his entire lying scheme can be seen as one incident, so that even fans residing outside Wisconsin might be willing to give him a second chance. And Braun never committed the tripartite sins of a) not being Derek Jeter, b) signing an insanely lucrative contract or c) going to New York.

Rodriguez has to admire Braun from afar for ingeniously squirming out of responsibility for his package of bald-faced lying, phony self-righteousness, evasion of consequences -- he accepted a suspension during which he was injured anyway; his one and only punishment being the lost income during that period --  and reinstatement in the hometown fans' hearts. Braun and his PR team have to earn ARod's particular reverence for the manner in which they cynically portrayed his refusal to discuss his transgressions as an abject apology.

Sadly, as with much else in his life, Alex Rodriguez is way too tone deaf to pull off a Braun. For all his world class talent, his immense drive and hard work, his intelligence and his spectacular good looks, ARod is a supremely sad and pathetic creature worthy of our sympathy alongside our scorn. It is transparent from a great distance that he suffers from raging self-doubt and very possibly depression. He is extremely uncomfortable in his own snake skin and so wants to be liked without understanding that he first has to like himself.

And so Rodriguez's evasiveness will simply come off as evasiveness. Yankee fans will mock him. The team will beseech the god of loopholes for a way out of his contract. The media will rip what is left of him until they get tired of it, or until he gets hurt again. In the end, it won't matter anyway, because ARod will start to embarrass himself on the field. Don't be surprised if he retires in shame before his contract runs out (in three years.)

Ultimately, shame and accountability will be the reasons to detest Braun and not Rodriguez. ARod, unable to tune out other people's wrath, suffers in his shame and is held accountable for his misdeeds by everyone connected to the sport. Braun, pathologically, knows no shame and has manipulated his situation so that he will get away with it.

Finally, A Post on ARod, Biogenesis and Suspension

“When all this stuff is going on in the background and people are finding creative ways to cancel your contract and stuff like that, I think that’s concerning for me, that's concerning for present (players) and I think it should be concerning for future players, as well."
--Alex Rodriguez, American Baseball Player

Think what you like about Alex Rodriguez and the Greek tragedy that has been his life, he at least knows how to send a message.

If myriad reports are correct, Major League Baseball responded to this statement by huffily cutting off negotiations with ARod's many representatives and moving forward with a 200+ game suspension that will invoke the commissioner's prerogative to rule in the "best interest of the game." 

But ARod hasn't hired the nation's least expensive and sophisticated advisers, and the people he has hired know full well that suspension through next year was always MLB's bottom line. Instead, Rodriguez's words were designed to plant a bee in the bonnet of eminently-reasonable union chief Michael Weiner, reminding him that the union disputes the commissioner's claim of unfettered power, which could affect the entire union, and not just the game's number one pariah.

MLBPA Must Contest the Suspension
Rodriguez's legal team knows that any attempt by Bud Selig to claim the right to suspend a player for a full season outside any contractual violation must be contested by the union. If MLB has powerful evidence of steroid or HgH use against ARod, it can suspend him 50 games per the contractual drug agreement. Weiner and the union have made clear that they would not defend any player in violation of that, and in doing so he is echoing the sentiment of most of his members. 

On the other hand, a 2014 suspension, even of the man most reviled by other union members, is a long-term challenge to the union and all the people in the future who will be paying Weiner's not insubstantial salary. If the union lays out the red carpet to Commissioner Bud on this issue it will have set a precedent that it will long regret.

Which Means He'll Play In 2014
Rodriguez knows something else: if the union gets involved, the discovery process will be long, arduous and possibly as embarrassing for baseball as for ARod. (After all, what form of embarrassment has the third baseman left unexplored?) It could extend into 2014, during which Rodriguez will be eligible to play. The earlier ARod gets on the field, the more likely he will be to add to the positive aspects of his career -- i.e., the statistical accumulations -- keeping in mind that he will be approaching his 40th birthday with two surgically repaired hips.

If all of this sounds like a conspiracy, it is a conspiracy to save the newspaper industry, not to mention bolster the late night comedy circuit, 24-hour radio sports talk and the endless argument culture. With Lindsay Lohan and George Zimmerman, ARod has been largely responsible for the continued existence of headline writers nationwide. None of that interests Alex Rodriguez and his minions, of course; their interest lies only in mitigating the long-term effects of his upcoming suspension. And in their high-priced wisdom they have decided that dragging in the rest of the players is the strategy most likely to produce results.

Stay tuned for more headlines -- and more intriguing quotes.

Coupla Quick Notes

Vlad Guerrero just keeps getting more embarrassing. I just watched him hit a slow roller up the middle that Derek Jeter ran down on the outfield grass facing the wrong way, twist his body sideways and snap off a half-speed throw that Guerrero beat by the width of Joe Buck's objectivity. The play took four minutes and forty-eight seconds; an overweight ant running uphill through molasses could have beaten that one out by two strides.

Then Guerrero removes his batting helmet and puts on his bonehead, getting himself doubled off first when Nick Swisher caught a lollipop in shallow right and found the baserunner languidly trespassing in the second base hole. If Bobby Cox were the manager of the Angels he'd have walked to first base to yank his DH from the game.

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Remember that choker, Alex Rodriguez? He's batting .419 with five homers as I write this, including several key hits. How has he turned it around?

It's obvious: Kate Hudson. No wait, it's that he finally unburdened himself about steroid use. No, no, it's Derek Jeter's leadership. No wait...

No, wait. ARod is one of the 20 greatest players of all time. A guy like that is going to endure cold spells, as he has in other playoff appearances, but he's inevitably going to get hot for nine games (so far). This performance isn't surprising; in fact, it was inevitable.

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I'm not put off much by umpires blowing judgment calls. Law enforcement professionals know that eye witnesses are extraordinarily poor at correctly identifying crime scene details and that their testimony is almost completely unreliable. (That doesn't stop them from using eye witnesses when it's advantageous to them.) Any of us would blow our share of safe/out, fair/foul, ball/strike plays that are measured in millimeters at full speed.

But umpires not knowing the rules is unconscionable.

It's now happened twice in the ALCS -- and I can't help but notice that both times the break went to the Yankees. The Who's On Third routine in Game 5 wasn't ultimately determinative, but the Game 2 goof on a wild pitch that went into the stands cost LA the game and altered the series.

I don't think it's anything but a coincidence; still, how can I be sure?

Ultimately, we can talk all we want about replays, but before we do, how about employing umps who know the rules?

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The Fox crew has made a point of reminding us that the Yankees haven't been to the World Series since way back in 2003. Oh, the suffering!

I'm sure all the fans in Pittsburgh and Kansas City are sobbing in sympathy and reaching for their checkbooks to send a donation. The same in Seattle. And in Dallas. And Toronto, Baltimore, Minnesota, Oakland, Anaheim, Atlanta, Washington, Cincinnati, San Diego, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Phoenix, Queens and Chicago's North Side.
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