What Are the Braves Doing?

If you wanted your old jalopy to look and run like new, would you swap out the engine for a '75 Malibu's? Would you attach the rusted doors from a '92 Nova? Even if you could get them cheap?

The rebuilding Braves, they of the 68-93 record, have inked deals with two-thirds of a nursing home. 40+ hurlers Bartolo Colon and R.A. Dickey were just the beginning. Atlanta has since picked up 30-year-old Jaime Garcia, 36-year-old Brandon Phillips, 33-year-old Kurt Suzuki and 32-year-old Sean Rodriguez.

It's not like these players were found in the bargain bin. Phillips and Garcia will cost $26 million between them. Dickey's knuckler and Colon's many folds chew up another $20 million. Rodriguez signed a two-year, $11.5 million contract. It's a parade of post-prime players on the books for a team clawing back from the abyss.

And that's added to a last place team already starting two MLB graybeards, Nick Markakis, 33 and Matt Kemp, 32. 

Are They Any Better?
None of these players is currently a star, though Colon was a Cy Young candidate back when rookie phenom Dansby Swanson was in diapers and Matt Kemp came within a Ryan Braun drug test of earning an MVP back in the Bush Administration. All of them together aren't propelling the Braves into contention. So what does it mean?

It means Atlanta's brass knows Atlanta's kids aren't ready, particularly on the mound. Rather than rush the prospects to the Majors, the team is bringing in elderly placeholders on one-year deals. If any of them takes his Geritol and lights it up in the first half,  GM John Copolella will flip them at the trade deadline for more young assets.

“We’re looking for guys who can suck up innings," he told the Atlanta Journal Constitution. 

Beyond that, Copolella recognizes that it's a bad look, particularly as they open Sun Trust Park, if the Braves suck. There might actually be some value to not finishing last in the NL East. So if they want to catch an ascendant Philadelphia team, they'd better get some quality on the field. Middling 29-year-olds aren't generally settling for one-year deals, so they recruited the guys they could.

It's an innovative strategy that might catch on among rebuilding clubs that calculate they are still a couple of years away.

So Year One in the new digs in Marietta won't involve a pennant chase. It won't even involve a .500 chase, most likely. But it increases the odds that a contender gets to Sun Trust Park before its novelty wears off.

The Brand New Geriatric Braves

The last place Braves just aged 85 years, inking geriatric pitchers Bartolo Colon and R.A. Dickey, and forking over $20 million in the process. That has led some to wonder if their heads are screwed on straight.

Oh they're on straight all right, and looking ahead. The Braves are telling their fan base that 2017 won't be their year. But keep an eye out for 2018.

Why would a rebuilding squad offer a contract to a 42-year-old in decline and a 43-year-old with weight issues? Because pitchers that age gleefully sign one-year deals, and the Braves need a bridge year to develop their young mound talent. 

Colon and Dickey will give way to the next generation of hurlers, but not until they young dudes are ready. Until then, Colon and Dickey join 25-year-olds Julio Teheran and Mike Foltynewicz in the rotation, with 24-year-olds Aaron Blair and Matt Wisler duking it out for the fifth starter spot.

For the past four seasons, Dickey has been a below-average starter and Colon a mixed bag that could pop at any moment. But as long as they eat innings, the non-contending Braves don't care. Perhaps the pair will teach the young lads a thing or two about life in the Bigs while they're at it.

In the process, Colon aims to become the winningest Dominican pitcher ever, with 11 Ws to pass Juan Marichal's 243. He and Dickey will become the second pair of 42-year-olds in baseball history (after Phil Neikro and Gaylord Perry with the '81 Braves) to start 10 games each -- if they make it.

It's another step in Atlanta's rebuild, which has proceeded at a faster pace than that of several other bottom feeders, like Cincinnati, San Diego, Arizona and Philadelphia. In the meantime, the team's supporters can enjoy their new billion-dollar stadium in the suburbs.

Peering Into Mets' Colon

Ha! This isn't about a body part. It's about a whole body, a substantial amount of body, 285 pounds worth of location and command from the fertile pitching fingers of Bartolo Colon, the 42-year-old rotation mainstay in New York's northeast outer borough.

Colon stymied Baltimore last night on a few feeble singles and an eighth inning home run en route to a Mets 3-2 triumph. Colon has now spun victory against the Orioles for seven different teams, a record for any pitcher against any team. Too bad the Expos didn't play Baltimore during Colon's stint there in 2002.

As any baseball fan knows, Bartolo Colon's career has followed a serpentine roller coaster path. In his early career he anchored the Indians' pennant-winning teams of the late 90s, going 135-75 with an ERA 19% below average, a Cy Young and as many as 10 strikeouts per nine innings.

Then from 2006-2010, injury, ineffectiveness and a year out of the league seemed to doom his career. In just 257 innings over those five seasons he was 14-21, 5.18.

Two years ago, he rejuvenated his career with Oakland, going 18-6, 2.65 and garnering Cy Young votes again. At age 40 he might have authored his best season.

And now this year, at age 42 and with the body of a mall cop, he's 5-1, 2.90. But he's doing it differently. Colon no longer brings heat; instead, he commands his pitches and ping-pongs the batter's eyeballs with his location. He hasn't fanned 10 in a game in eight years. After averaging three-and-a-half walks per nine in his early career, he's down to one-and-a-half now.

Last night Colon whiffed nine without walking anyone, bamboozling O's catcher Caleb Joseph with his high 80s tepidness. You couldn't have predicted it early on, but Bartolo Colon is a pitching savant.

A Fond Farewell To April

April's in the books and so is D.J. LeMahieu's .406 batting average. No one can take either away from us. Check out what else April gifted us:

Rookie Blue Jay keystoner Devon Travis has ripped half a dozen home runs already, the same number he hit in 2013 for the West Michigan Whitecaps of the A-ball Midwest League. Travis, a Florida State product, rocks a .359 TAv in April.

Sophomore starter Nick Martinez of Texas has allowed just one earned run in 26 April innings. His 0.35 ERA is 11.9 times better than league average. But with 8 walks and 11 strikeouts in 26 innings, watch out for May.

Conversely, Citi Field's round moundsman, Bartolo Colon, has issued a single walk and authored 25 strikeouts. That's the formula for remaining in the Majors at age 42. 

At 14-7 and leading the AL West, the Astros have matched the win total compiled by the 2013 team in its 47th game., That squad was 14-33 en route to 111 losses. The best starter's ERA that year, by far, was Bud Norris's 3.93. With an 0.73 ERA in 37 innings, Dallas Keuchel would have to surrender 30 runs in his next 37 frames to reach that number -- the best Houston had that year.

There were a lot of questions about Nelson Cruz moving to the offense-killer in Seattle, about Hanley Ramirez signing with Boston where he'd have to learn a new defensive position and about Josh Donaldson leaving the magic of Oakland for Toronto. Donaldson leads the AL in runs scored. Cruz and Ramirez pace the majors in home runs and rank first and third in slugging.

As usual, Joe Mauer is batting .300. He's also so far failed to reach the seats in 2015, something he hasn't done much of late. In fact, Mauer popped 28 longballs in his MVP season of 2009, the same number he's recorded in all of 2011, all of 2012, all of 2013, all of 2014 and 21 games of 2015, combined. In his 12 seasons, that 28 has accounted for more than a quarter of his lifetime jacks.

Chris Davis is bouncing back from his dismal 2014 with above average on base and slugging lines and five home runs. He's also on pace to fan 247 times.

Stephen Drew has also bounced back from his disastrous 2014 when he batted .162. This year he's up to .177.

Clayton Kershaw and Madison Bumgarner have identical 3.73 ERAs in April. Kershaw leads the league in strikeouts but MadBum got the win in their head-to-head matchup.

Remember that vaunted Nationals rotation that seemed to be gilding the lily when it added Max Scherzer this season? Scherzer has been great, but Stephen Strasburg, Jordan Zimmermann and Gio Gonzalez each sports an ERA of 4.88 or above. A league-leading 24 team errors can't be helping.

A 22-year-old outfielder leads the NL in walks, is fifth in runs scored and seventh in home runs. Great rookie year? Ha! He'd already walked 155 times and scored 210 runs in his career, that Bryce Harper.

Should be even more fun in May!